Even though the sun is shining and it’s springtime and things are generally good in my life, I’m having a grumbly sort of day today. I think it’s just some emotional debris left behind by the layoff.
Back in February, when I saw the layoff on the horizon as a real but indefinite possibility, I imagined myself rising above it all. If and when my time came, I would be the model laid-off worker. I would not be a disgruntled former employee. I would not wallow. I would have a healthy and positive approach to change. I’d be resilient and creative and I’d make the most of it. Challenge, change, opportunity, lemons, lemonade, blah blah blah.
Maybe I was wrong. Oh sure, I’m counting my blessings. I’m very happy I have a decent severance package. I’m relieved I have no debt other than my mortgage. But I’m not feeling as optimistic as I had hoped to feel. And I’m feeling a little disgruntled, in spite of myself.
Maybe disgruntledness is a natural and universal reaction to being laid off. Maybe it’s like being dumped, and you have to go through all the stages in order to achieve that lofty state of indifference. In the meantime, I keep having these weird dreams that they’re laying me off and giving me weird parting gifts, like a horseradish. Whatever that means.
Anyway. Enough wallowing. I’m going to watch this Israel Kamakawiwo’Ole video again, because I love it and it might make me feel better. And then I’m going to go outside in the sunshine. And after that I’m going to City Hall to get appreciated by the Shepherds of Good Hope, because it’s Volunteer Appreciation Day.