Today I have a very special treat to share with you. It comes from my garden.
Check it out. It’s a Really Big Zucchini.
Is that amazing or what?
We didn’t visit the garden for four days and this is what happened. A three inch zucchini grew to 19 inches! At its fattest point it’s 13.5 inches in circumference! It weighs just over five pounds! GC went to the grocery store to find out how much it’s worth, and at $1.79 a pound this is a $9.12 zucchini!
I googled big zucchinis to see if ours broke any records, but the record-setter was actually 13 times bigger. It was grown by Bernard Lavery, author of How to Grow Giant Vegetables. I couldn’t find a picture of his giant zucchini, but here he is with his marrow.
But still. Our zucchini is a Really Big Zucchini.
So what do you do with a giant zucchini? You drive around town with it and flash it at other drivers and pedestrians. You let GC hoist it up over his head and parade around his neighbourhood. You bask in the glow of his neighbours’ astonishment and praise. And then you take it to your favourite seamstress and ask her to make you a zucchini bikini. Which, of course, she does without even batting an eye, because that’s the kind of person she is, which is why she’s your favourite seamstress in the first place.
Then you take 43 pictures of your Really Big Zucchini in its Zucchini Bikini, none of which do it justice.
Then you take a picture of it with your giant cat, for scale. But they kind of cancel out each other’s giantness, don’t they?
Then you blog about it, making a special point of thanking your loyal readers for warning you, two months ago, to plant only one zucchini plant. That was excellent advice. That one zucchini plant is taking over the world. I predict that by late August, it’ll be giving this zucchini plant a run for its money:
Last but not least, you put your giant zucchini and its little bikini on Ebay.