My blogging software automatically detects spam comments and keeps them in a separate file for me, so I can go through them later and verify that they are indeed spam.
The vast majority really are spam. They have nothing to do with the content of the blog posts, and their sole purpose is to try to get readers to click on the links to whatever they’re selling. (Which, incidentally, has nothing to do with the content of either the blog post or the comment.)
So today I was scanning the spam, and this one caught my eye:
“I will be hilarious if you typewrite something more about this.”
I was sorely tempted to haul out the old Smith-Corona.
Here’s another:
“These women are also big and have broader backs and shoulders. Their mid section is also wide. Moreover, the lower thighs are also heavy but the legs are thin.”
They were selling replica handbags. You think heavy-set women with skinny thighs doesn’t make sense? Try this one:
“I loved as much as you’ll receive carried out right here. The sketch is tasteful, your authored subject matter stylish. nonetheless, you command get bought an impatience over that you wish be delivering the following. unwell unquestionably come more formerly again since exactly the same nearly a lot often inside case you shield this hike.”
Then there are the spammers who think you won’t delete flattery:
“I am impressed by the way you embraced this subject. It’s not often I throughout a web site with hypnotic content articles like yours. I will bookmark your feed to stay present along with your succeeding revisions.Just beautiful and do uphold up the solid work.”
And those who ask compelling questions:
“Thanks for the auspicious writeup. It if truth be told was a leisure account it. Look advanced to far delivered agreeable from you! By the way, how could we communicate?”
How, indeed.
Yesterday I applied for a job as a raptor handler. Raptors are birds of prey. I could be working with falcons, eagles, hawks, and owls! The company would prefer an experienced handler, but doesn’t seem to have much expectation of finding one. Training and instruction are provided, along, I assume, with protective gear. Bilingualism is not required, which is very rare for a job in Ottawa these days.
I’d love to get this job. I just hope it doesn’t involve using an owl to disperse crows. I am fond of crows, and owls too.
“I loved as much as you’ll receive carried out right here. The sketch is tasteful, your authored subject matter stylish. nonetheless, you command get bought an impatience over that you wish be delivering the following. unwell unquestionably come more formerly again since exactly the same nearly a lot often inside case you shield this hike.â€
I think this was a critique I got by a Toronto artist once. His name is on the tip of my tongue Ron Gee?…I remember his art work quite clearly – it was on bread, linseed oil and molasses were mixed to make paint, then he baked them.
I’ve gotten a few comments and emails like those too.
I so hope you get the raptor job! That would be totally awesome and I would live vicariously through you!
Is there a big need for raptor handling in Ottawa? Maybe you can get me in, it sounds like fun!
You must get a better class of spammer than us, ma’am. Most of ours links to sites that purport to offer links to free torrents for hotly-anticipated “bestselling” games and movies that aren’t even released yet.
No, I don’t know how unreleased movies and games can be bestsellers, either.
The rest offer a predictable range of, ummm, pharmaceutical wares. At least the ones that aren’t Cyrillic. Those are anybody’s guess…
Good luck on that job!
At least you already know how to handle birds! Here they use falcons to keep the birds away from the blueberry crops. Sounds fascinating anyhow. Hoping you get the job!
i hope you get it!! I would LOVE to have a business card that reads “Raptor Handler” — especially because ‘raptor’ definitely makes me think dinosaur.
Raptor handler sounds like such an awesome job! I am a little envious of people who have interesting sounding jobs. I mean, I like my job, but no one really wants to hear what a computer programmer does all day.
Best of luck with the job Zoom!!
Those spam comments are funny, and I’m embarrassed to admit that I got a few of those that I fell for when I first started blogging. Flattery, indeed!
Good luck with the job. That would be quite amazing.
Fingers crossed you get that job Zoom – it sounds very COOL. I have the perfect hat for you, should you choose to accept their offer.
The text seems to have two purposes:
1) Try to avoid getting automatically flagged as spam
2) Try to convince the blog author to manually retrieve the comment, even though it is spam.
Lots of the spam comments I see now look like very generic comments either praising or criticizing the writing skill of the blogger being targeted.
Raptor = rapture!
Good luck!