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Parrots: Winged toddlers who never grow up

A lot of people get rid of their parrots once they realize what they’ve gotten themselves into. Even if they’ve done their research, it’s one thing to read about it and quite another to live it.

Parrots are like winged toddlers who never grow up.

Here are some of the things my parrots have accomplished so far. Bear in mind that this represents less than a year’s worth of damage. We have many decades yet to go.

This is one of several holes Kazoo the Amazon has chewed in the backs of my bookcases. You might wonder why I allow her to go up there. I don’t. She never has more than a few seconds at a time. I immediately fetch a chair and remove her. It’s amazing what an Amazon can accomplish in a few seconds dozens of times each day.

They also chew on books. Kazoo has a preference for coil-bound books, like that harm reduction report whose title you can’t read because she ate it. Oboe the Lovebird, being a paper shredder, is a very prolific devourer of books. He doesn’t just eat a book till it’s all gone though. No. He prefers to eat the top edge of every book on the shelf. Maybe it’s my imagination, but he seems to have an eye – and a preference – for treasured books.

Simon the African Grey has done most of this damage to the blinds. At first it was because he was just a baby and didn’t have much flight control, so he’d crash into the blinds and hang on with his beak for dear life till I rescued him. But now it’s just fun to poke holes in the blinds.

This is the pantry cabinet in the kitchen. Kazoo chewed the wallpaper off the wall up there. If you look closely, you can see she also chewed the ceiling molding. And the top edge of the door.

GC put this green box up on top of the pantry so Kazoo would chew on it instead of the wall and ceiling. It was a good idea.

The front hall closet. Kazoo likes to sit on top of the open door and chew the molding. We’ve learned to keep the door closed, thereby eliminating her perch.

If you do have parrots, I’d recommend not investing in wooden artwork. Oboe likes to nibble on this sock monkey.

If you have things you really like, you should probably pack them away for the next sixty to a hundred years, because that’s how long parrots can live.

They’ve also chewed through the cord to my router, thereby severing my internet connection (Oboe), chewed giant holes in the hood and shoulders of my winter coat that I only wore once (Kazoo), nibbled the power cord and iPhone cord to my laptop (Simon), removed the up-arrow key from my laptop (Simon), chewed buttons off my shirts (Simon), ate my entire Getting Things Done tickler filing system (Oboe), gnawed the edges of a lovely antique makeup box from the ’30s (Kazoo), shredded a $25 gift certificate (Oboe), eaten a lab test requisition form (Oboe), and killed an umbrella plant I’d had for almost 20 years (a joint project).

And they’re supervised!

In addition to what they’ve damaged, they’ve also taken over my house.

There are bird houses everywhere.

There are toys everywhere.

There are little, white, fluffy feathers everywhere, and they are impossible to sweep up.

There is newspaper everywhere, and on the newspaper everywhere, there is poop. (If I’m lucky.)

There is almost always poop on my shirt. There’s not much point in changing it, since there will be poop on the new one five minutes later.

There’s no room in the freezer for people food.

And we can’t leave the house for more than a day unless we find someone who is willing to bird sit for us. Even then, we would feel bad because the birds would be mourning our absence. They really like us a lot. GC went to Edmonton for a few days last week, and Kazoo missed him terribly. She spent her days at the back window, watching for his car and calling for him.

But you know what? Even though they’re destroying the house and everything in it, I still think they’re worth it.

But that’s another post.

17 comments to Parrots: Winged toddlers who never grow up

  • Connie

    Crazy bird lady!

  • I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN!

    • That’s the funny thing – bird people know exactly what I mean, but other people tend to find it a little mystifying. Like, why would anybody want to live with something that poops on them?

  • deb

    put me in the mystified category…Like why would anyone want to live with something that destroys the largest asset you own?

    • Well…isn’t that kind of like saying Why would anyone want to have children, because they’re expensive and messy? People might not like those aspects of having children, but they feel the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. Same thing with parrots. I don’t like that they chew on my house, but I love so many things about them, I’m willing to live with the things I don’t like.

      • lucy

        No, that’s not a good comparison. Children can be trained to become less destructive as they grow up. Children grow up. Your son is a productive member of society now and not going around chewing up your house, right? :-) Put me in the mystified category too.

        • It’s the same thing. For example, if you had a choice of having your son remain two years old forever, or not having him at all, which would you choose? That’s essentially my choice with the parrots – I’m choosing the permanent toddler triplets.

          • Plus, over time parrot owners learn the things that their birds really really love to chew, and learn ways to make those things less accessible. The green box is a good diversion for the wall. Closing the door saves the molding. Perhaps a fabulous perch with toys can become the favorite place to be…?

            Besides, how many shoes have dog owners lost?

  • Merle

    What I want to know is “Who uses the bird cages”?

    • Merle, they’re only out of their cages for a few hours each day! Right now, for example, they’re all in their cages. (I call them houses, though. It sounds more civilized.)

  • redfraggle

    if they are happy and you are happy there is no problem. You’re all lucky that you found eachother.

  • I wonder if a low-tech Swiffer might work on the fluffy feathers, with its static electricity thingy?

    I am glad you posted all this, not that I was thinking of getting a bird! But it is a good reminder about how dedicated one has to be to the work. While I want another dog some time, just reminding myself of the late night walks in the cold rain keeps me from plunging in (yet).

  • This – is charming!
    http://cuteoverload.com/2011/09/01/someone-clearly-didnt-see-wall-e/
    Clever bird too – when the dot disappears, he goes to look for it under the table.

  • Cara

    I had a real problem with my birds chewing everything but now they leave most things along 90% of the time. We discovered if you stick corks in their cages (inside and out because my guys seldom are in the cages) they will stick to those. Of course, when the birds are little and in the explore the world mode they will still want to put everything in their mouths. We also discovered that firmness and patience and lots of reinforcing taught them that somethings were best left alone. It took a few years but it paid off. My guys are now 15 and 23 and I am very happy the days of chewing the house is pretty much over. The last near episode was 5 years ago when one tried to sneak into the living room to chew the TV cords. All I had to do was clear my throat and he turned and ran in the opposite direction. I’m still laughing at his behaviour.

  • […] awhile back I told you about all the things the birds have destroyed since moving in with me? Well, the moment I published that post, they stopped destroying stuff. At […]