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Hummingbirds and missed appointments

I don’t know what’s going on, but lately I’ve been completely addle-brained about doctors appointments. Everyone misses an appointment now and again, but I’ve missed four in a row – two with the breast cancer surgeon and two with the oncologist. These are just routine follow-up appointments to make sure the cancer hasn’t come back.

It’s getting to the point where I’m wondering if I’m subconsciously doing it on purpose (is that a contradiction in terms?). I was scheduled to see the surgeon on February 4, but I had to reschedule to March 8, because I was in that 8-day career planning thing. But then on March 8, I got the time wrong in my head, even though it was right on the calendar.

As for the oncologist, I can’t even remember why I missed it last time. But this time it was because I got on the 86 bus going in the wrong direction, and by the time I figured it out I was in Nepean and irredeemably late. I ended up at GC’s house, eating homemade soup and playing with the lovebirds, instead of at the cancer centre having my breasts thoroughly groped.

I haven’t been entirely remiss. I’ve done the pre-appointment mammograms and blood tests. I just can’t seem to show up for the actual appointments. I’m really starting to wonder about myself, especially since I successfully made it to approximately 118 appointments last year without missing a single one.

Here’s something interesting: a live web cam of a hummingbird nest. Phoebe the hummingbird is usually in it, keeping her eggs safe and warm. They’re scheduled to hatch between March 14th and 16th. I’m mesmorized.

6 comments to Missed appointments and a hummingbird obsession

  • Bonnie

    Last year I was a week early for my drs appt and I had the right date on my calendar. While I was at the office, on the right day, a woman came in for her appt at 9:30 and her appt was actually at 1:30. It happens to all of us…

  • XUP

    Total subconscious resistence to more medical appointments. I think you’ve just had your fill and you’re just not prepared to hear anything that could require even more, so you conveniently forget. Add to this your current post-traumatic stress frame of mind, it’s not at all surprising. I’ll bet this happens all the time in your situation. You really have to stop being so hard on yourself. You’ve done amazingly well considering all you’ve been through – just relax and let your body work itself out now.

  • Julia

    I think it is part of the “I am done” mentality and I wouldn’t worry about it. I am considering cancelling some of my follow-up appointments, like I don’t know why I need to see oncologists any more. I need to have my liver rescanned some time but I could do that through my GP. I just want to move forward!

  • kayT

    Thanks for the webcam link to the hummingbird. We had a nest in our patio one year but did not get to see the little ones after they hatched as she kept them hidden until they were flying. So I am hoping I can see these hatchlings.

  • Interesting…it does sound like it could be subconscious.
    I really hope you get good results whenever you do get to your appointments.

  • Dunno. Missing other kinds of appointments and keys and hat andandand too so it’s not particular to this? Losing the tension so back to normal?