Late last night I left the Flatlanders at the River Stage to go home, and decided to stop for a quick pee on my way out.
If you’ve ever been in a Porta Potty late at night, you know how dark they are. Since the P-Mate woman hadn’t had a chance to visit the blog yet, I still didn’t have a free P-Mate. So I assumed the traditional position: squatting above the black hole of human waste so that none of my exposed parts would come into contact with any of the porta-potty parts. It’s a technique most women master at a very young age.
After I zipped back up I unlocked the door, stepped outside and turned to close the door behind me. But wait! Something wasn’t right! My toilet paper hadn’t disappeared into the stinking hole of human waste. It was sitting in plain sight at the top of the hole. I stepped back in to investigate how my toilet paper was managing to defy the laws of gravity.
Well, apparently the idiot who used the Porta Potty before me had put the lid down. And, in case you’ve never noticed, the Porta-Potty lids are black, which means they’re invisible in the dark, so I never noticed it was down. I had peed on the closed lid.
Where did the pee go? Well, it probably went all kinds of places, but upon further investigation I discovered that much of it had rolled off the lid and onto my pants. Nice.
1) Why do Porta Potties have lids anyway?
2) What kind of moron puts the Porta Potty lid down?? Not only is it a useless thing to do, it also violates the cardinal Porta-Potty rule, which is “get in and get out as fast as possible without touching anything.”
On a related matter, it’s nice that they have hand-washing stations outside all the Porta-Potty stations, but the water’s all gone by dusk. Why don’t they just put out those waterless hand-sanitizer dispensers like they have in hospitals?